A Teenage's life.
11/1/2015;Sunday;8:13PM
Dear diary,
tomorrow is the day. I will become 15 myself. not my birthday. just I will be school on morning side. My expectation gonna be on the evil side for sure. because I will be start studying with form 4 and form 5 and I will meet alot of people. I thought myself I'm gonna reset myself and become of what I really am. I used to wear big veil or 'tudung labuh' in malay. but I'd decided myself to be the real me. yes. I admit it. I love to wear tudung labuh. it makes me feel secure and feel pleased all the time. and then I realized, something's lacked. my attitude. imagine a girl wearing a big veil talking with a guy casually like that and yes. it look so wrong. not only with guys, the attitude itself. I feel so wrong and decide to reset myself next year. I thought this gonna be my next year intention. and I'd try. I wore the normal veil and came to school like that. at first, people look at me like I'm okay and should I say, pretend to be okay. I always said to myself, "behave Alicia, behave" but after that, I destroyed everything. I'm fat, yes. I have big face, big cheeks, big hands, and everything. I hate myself everyday because of that. I'm not pretty tho. I don't have any smartphone like those kids that have now. I only have this turtle-like laptop. don't get it wrong, I love this lappy. one of my friend, not gonna say her real name, let us called her leila. I've always come up good expectation of leila. because she just good at everyhting. when I get to school that day, we met. her face look so dissapointed of me. I know leila. because of my veil right ? I really don't wanna change. but people are just... hard. It's hard. to face the world. when they see this, they will judge. judge, judge and judge everywhere. it's not by their talking, by their look! that look on their face just keep haunting me everyday. they judge, you know! if you're fat, not pretty, having a big belly, people will right away judge you! I don't wanna say much. I will be on long hiatus and not post for a very long time. Pray for me, I have PT3 this year and yes, it's gonna be hard. It's dark in here. Goodnight. -Alicia
Dear diary,
tomorrow is the day. I will become 15 myself. not my birthday. just I will be school on morning side. My expectation gonna be on the evil side for sure. because I will be start studying with form 4 and form 5 and I will meet alot of people. I thought myself I'm gonna reset myself and become of what I really am. I used to wear big veil or 'tudung labuh' in malay. but I'd decided myself to be the real me. yes. I admit it. I love to wear tudung labuh. it makes me feel secure and feel pleased all the time. and then I realized, something's lacked. my attitude. imagine a girl wearing a big veil talking with a guy casually like that and yes. it look so wrong. not only with guys, the attitude itself. I feel so wrong and decide to reset myself next year. I thought this gonna be my next year intention. and I'd try. I wore the normal veil and came to school like that. at first, people look at me like I'm okay and should I say, pretend to be okay. I always said to myself, "behave Alicia, behave" but after that, I destroyed everything. I'm fat, yes. I have big face, big cheeks, big hands, and everything. I hate myself everyday because of that. I'm not pretty tho. I don't have any smartphone like those kids that have now. I only have this turtle-like laptop. don't get it wrong, I love this lappy. one of my friend, not gonna say her real name, let us called her leila. I've always come up good expectation of leila. because she just good at everyhting. when I get to school that day, we met. her face look so dissapointed of me. I know leila. because of my veil right ? I really don't wanna change. but people are just... hard. It's hard. to face the world. when they see this, they will judge. judge, judge and judge everywhere. it's not by their talking, by their look! that look on their face just keep haunting me everyday. they judge, you know! if you're fat, not pretty, having a big belly, people will right away judge you! I don't wanna say much. I will be on long hiatus and not post for a very long time. Pray for me, I have PT3 this year and yes, it's gonna be hard. It's dark in here. Goodnight. -Alicia
Comments
Post a Comment